Understanding the Stages of Grief and Loss

7 December 2025

Grief is one of those universal experiences that nobody can truly prepare for. One moment, life feels normal, and the next, you're standing in an emotional whirlwind, unsure of which way is up. Whether you're mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a cherished dream, grief has a way of shaking us to our core.

But here’s the thing: You’re not alone. Grief is tough, but understanding its stages can help you navigate the journey with a little more compassion for yourself. So, grab a cup of tea (or something stronger—we won’t judge), get comfy, and let’s talk about what you might go through when facing loss.

The 5 Stages of Grief

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. These stages were initially meant to explain how terminally ill patients processed their prognosis, but over time, they’ve been recognized as a framework for understanding all types of grief.

Now, before we dive in, let’s clear something up: these stages aren’t a strict, one-size-fits-all process. Grief isn’t linear. You might bounce between stages, skip some, or experience them all at once (because, let’s be honest, emotions don’t follow a rulebook).

1. Denial – "This Can’t Be Happening"

Denial is our brain’s way of putting up a temporary “Do Not Disturb” sign. It’s like your mind goes, Nope, we’re not dealing with this right now. And honestly? That’s okay.

You might find yourself expecting a loved one to walk through the door, rereading an old text from them, or just feeling numb altogether. Denial acts as an emotional cushion, giving you time to process reality at your own pace.

🔹 Common thoughts in this stage:
- “There must be some mistake.”
- “I just talked to them yesterday—this isn’t real.”
- “Everything will go back to normal soon.”

2. Anger – "Why Is This Happening?"

Once reality starts sinking in, anger often follows close behind. And guess what? It’s totally normal. Anger is a natural response to pain, and it can show up in unexpected ways—maybe you lash out at a friend, get frustrated at small things, or feel resentful toward the situation.

Grief has a way of making everything feel unfair, and anger is how our mind tries to regain a sense of control. Just remember, it’s okay to be mad. Let yourself feel it, but try not to live in it.

🔹 Common thoughts in this stage:
- “Why did this have to happen?”
- “This isn’t fair!”
- “Who’s to blame for this?”

3. Bargaining – "If Only..."

This is the stage where we start negotiating with the universe, fate, or whatever higher power we believe in. It’s a desperate attempt to rewind time or change the outcome.

You might catch yourself thinking, If I had just done this differently, maybe things would be okay. It’s fueled by guilt, regret, and that gnawing question of "what if?" Unfortunately, no amount of bargaining can reverse the loss, but acknowledging these thoughts can help you work through them.

🔹 Common thoughts in this stage:
- “If only I had been there earlier...”
- “I’d do anything to take this pain away.”
- “Maybe if I had done something different, things would have turned out better.”

4. Depression – "This Hurts Too Much"

This is the stage most people associate with grief—the deep sadness, the overwhelming weight of loss. Unlike clinical depression, which can be long-term and persistent, grief-related depression is a natural emotional response to a devastating situation.

You might lose interest in things you used to love, struggle to get out of bed, or feel like the sadness will never end. And while it’s a difficult phase, it’s also a necessary one. Grief doesn’t need to be "fixed"—it needs to be felt.

🔹 Common thoughts in this stage:
- “I don’t feel like doing anything.”
- “Will I ever feel okay again?”
- “Nothing seems to matter anymore.”

5. Acceptance – "I’m Learning to Live With This"

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re over the loss. It just means you’re beginning to find a way to move forward while carrying the love and memories with you.

It might look like waking up one morning and realizing the pain isn’t as crushing as before. Or laughing at a memory without immediately breaking down. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting—it means adjusting to a new reality.

🔹 Common thoughts in this stage:
- “This still hurts, but I’m finding ways to cope.”
- “I’ll always miss them, but I can still live my life.”
- “I can cherish the memories while moving forward.”

Grief Is Messy—And That’s Okay

If only grief followed a neat little timeline, right? But the truth is, it doesn’t. You might find yourself cycling through these stages multiple times. Some days will feel easier, and others will hit you like a freight train out of nowhere (looking at you, random sad song that plays in the grocery store).

And that’s okay. Grief doesn’t have a deadline.

How to Cope with Grief

So, how do you survive this emotional rollercoaster? While there’s no magic cure, here are a few ways to navigate the storm:

🌿 Give Yourself Grace

You’re allowed to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. There’s no "right way" to do it.

📝 Express Your Feelings

Write in a journal, talk to a friend, or even scream into a pillow if you need to. Bottling up emotions only makes things harder.

🤝 Lean on Support

Reach out to family, friends, or a therapist. You don’t have to go through this alone.

🌞 Take Care of Yourself

Grief can be physically exhausting. Try to get enough rest, eat when you can, and move your body—even if it’s just a short walk outside.

❤️ Hold Onto the Love

Just because someone (or something) is gone doesn’t mean the love disappears. Keep their memory alive in ways that feel right to you.

Final Thoughts

Grief is one of the hardest things we face in life, but it’s also proof of deep love and connection. It’s messy, unpredictable, and sometimes downright cruel. But as you go through it, remember this: You are stronger than you think, and healing—no matter how slow—will come.

So, take it one day at a time. And on the hard days? Be kind to yourself.