How to Stop Seeking Validation from Others and Start Trusting Yourself

30 July 2025

Does it feel like your self-worth is tied to how others see you? You're not alone. In fact, many of us go through life constantly chasing approval—from friends, family, coworkers, even strangers on the internet. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

But here’s the good news: you don't have to live like that.

Building self-trust and breaking free from the need for external validation isn't just possible—it’s transformational. So let’s take a deep dive into how you can stop seeking validation from others and start truly trusting yourself.

Why We Crave Validation in the First Place

Before you can change a behavior, it helps to understand where it comes from.

Humans are hardwired for connection. From the time we’re little, we rely on adults to tell us we’re doing okay: “Good job!” “You’re so smart!” “Look how polite you are!” Those external validations become our compass. They teach us what’s acceptable, lovable, and “right.”

But here’s the tricky part—somewhere along the way, we start depending on that feedback to determine our worth. Then validation shifts from being helpful to being harmful.

Sound familiar?

The Problem With External Validation

Let’s face it: validation feels good. Who doesn’t like a compliment or a thumbs-up? The problem isn’t the validation itself—it’s the dependence on it.

Here’s why relying on validation is so sneaky:

- It’s inconsistent. People’s opinions change. One day they love your idea, the next they don’t.
- It’s uncontrollable. You can’t predict or force what others think or say.
- It makes you perform. You start doing things not because they feel right, but because they’ll win approval.

And worst of all?

You lose touch with your own voice.

Signs You Might Be Dependent on Validation

Sometimes we don’t even realize how much others’ opinions control us. So let’s shine a light on a few red flags:

- You constantly replay conversations wondering if you said the “right thing.”
- You feel anxious if someone doesn't reply quickly to a message.
- You often resist sharing your real opinions to avoid conflict.
- You put others' needs way ahead of your own—even when it hurts you.
- You hesitate to make decisions without running them by someone first.

If you nodded “yes” to any of these, don’t worry. Becoming aware is the first big step toward change.

Shifting the Spotlight: From Approval to Self-Trust

So here’s the million-dollar question: How do you stop seeking validation from others and start trusting yourself?

It’s not about flipping a switch overnight. Instead, think of it more like learning to ride a bike. Wobbly at first. But with practice? Smooth and freeing.

Let’s walk through some practical, soul-nourishing steps.

1. Start Noticing the Validation Traps

Awareness is your secret weapon.

Begin to notice when and where you’re seeking validation. Is it when you post on social media? After a presentation at work? Whenever you’re with a certain friend or family member?

Keep a mental note or journal when those validation cravings show up.

Ask yourself:
> “Am I doing this because it aligns with who I am, or because I want someone to approve?”

This simple question can be life-changing.

2. Pause Before Reacting

Next time you’re tempted to seek reassurance, pause.

Take a breath. Sit with the discomfort.

It might feel weird at first—like you’re standing in silence during a conversation. But that pause gives you the power to choose a response instead of automatically chasing validation.

Make this your motto: Pause. Then proceed.

3. Start Valuing Your Own Opinion

Here’s the truth: You are the expert on YOU.

Nobody else has lived your life, felt your feelings, or dreamt your dreams. So why do their opinions carry more weight than yours?

Start asking yourself:
- What do I think about this?
- What do I want?
- Does this feel right to me?

Practice trusting your gut—even on small decisions. The more you do, the louder your inner voice gets.

4. Embrace Imperfection (It’s Not the Enemy)

Listen, perfectionism and the need for validation are best friends. If you’re trying to be flawless so you’ll be accepted or liked—you’ll never feel enough. Because perfection? It’s a moving target.

Instead, embrace your imperfections.

They’re not flaws to fix—they’re proof that you’re human.

You don’t need to impress anyone. You just need to show up as yourself.

5. Set Boundaries (And Stick to Them)

When you rely on others’ approval, you’re more likely to say yes when you mean no. To over-give. To people-please. And that leads to burnout and resentment.

Boundaries are like fences—they protect your peace.

You don’t need a long explanation. A simple “I can’t commit to that right now” or “That doesn’t work for me” is enough.

Saying no to others often means saying yes to yourself.

6. Focus on Internal Wins

Instead of celebrating what the world claps for, start cheering for your internal victories.

Like what?

- Doing something brave, even if no one noticed.
- Saying how you really feel.
- Walking away from something that didn’t feel right.

When your sense of accomplishment comes from inner alignment, external validation loses its grip.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Here’s a radical truth: You’re allowed to be kind to yourself.

When that inner critic pipes up with “You’re not good enough” or “You need to prove yourself,” pause and respond like you would to a friend.

Something like:
> “Hey, I know you’re scared. But I’ve got this. I trust myself.”

Self-compassion isn’t weak—it’s bold.

8. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Let’s be honest—some people fuel our need for validation. They’re hypercritical, controlling, or just plain unsupportive.

It’s okay to outgrow people who make you doubt yourself.

Surround yourself with those who reflect your worth back to you, not because they validate you, but because they see you. There’s a difference.

The right people don’t make you doubt yourself. They help you remember who you are.

9. Reframe Failure as Feedback

If fear of judgment is keeping you paralyzed, remember this: Failure isn’t a verdict—it’s data.

Every misstep teaches you something. Every awkward conversation, every rejected idea, every risk that didn’t pan out—they’re all part of the process.

You’re not failing. You’re learning. And learning builds trust in yourself faster than playing it safe ever will.

10. Give Yourself Permission to Be Seen

At the core of validation-seeking is usually a deeper fear—a fear of being fully seen and possibly rejected.

It’s scary to show your true self when your inner voice is whispering, “What if they don’t like me?”

But the more you hide, the less you trust yourself.

So take small steps. Share your ideas. Speak your mind. Wear what you love. Be weird if that’s your thing. Let people meet you—the real, unfiltered version.

It’s not your job to be liked by everyone. It’s your job to be you.

Real Talk: This is a Journey, Not a Destination

Let me be honest: You’re not going to wake up tomorrow completely impervious to others’ opinions. That’s okay.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress.

Every time you pause before seeking approval, every time you listen to your gut, every time you back yourself—you’re building trust. And that trust? It becomes your anchor.

You’ll still have moments of doubt. But over time, you’ll find yourself turning inward more than outward. And that is everything.

Final Thoughts: You Are Already Enough

If you’ve made it this far, let me tell you something really important:

You’re already enough.

You were enough before the compliments, the likes, the praise, the gold stars.

You don’t need permission to take up space, have opinions, make mistakes, or be seen.

Validation from others might feel good—but trust from within feels like freedom.

So trust yourself. You’ve got this.